Rekindle Your Romance Date Night #2

Last week, I asked Jason if he would date me. And he said, "Yes."
(Big smile.)

It's easy for us to get busy with life, or to feel lazy and stay home, and forget about dating each other.

We're great friends. That in itself is pretty cool after forty years of marriage.

It might be easy to think friendship is enough.

But I still want to experience romance with the man I love.

I like for us to remember what drew us together in the first place.

And to talk about those things.

So we're dating.

And I'm sharing a little of our journey as we date as a married couple.

For many, a weekly date night is nothing new. If you've been dating your spouse regularly, good for you! You are a giant step ahead of us.

But for those who have kind of forgotten what it means to date, this blog might serve as a tiny reminder to rekindle your romance.

Things to think about:

• Dressing up can be fun. And it says something, doesn't it? You're worth a little fuss. I'm putting my going-out face on just for you! I've been looking forward to our time together.
• Going somewhere new can be a fabulous shared experience. And making new memories together can be priceless.
• Dating doesn't have to cost a lot of money to be special.
• Holding hands with your spouse is a beautiful connection.
• Kissing in the car (or on a walk) is still exciting.

One time, before we were married, Jason pulled up to a stop sign in a quiet neighborhood and gave me a big kiss. Guess who happened to drive by just then? Yep, my mother! (I was sixteen.) Oh, was she mad! And, boy, was I embarrassed! That night, I got a huge lecture about never doing that again--especially on our way back from church. (Yikes!)

But you know what? Ahem. Forty-plus years later, I still like stolen kisses from my sweetheart. It's exciting. And maybe a little sneaky--still. (Giggle.)

Not too long ago, I got an idea to compile a list of inexpensive places to go for date nights, so I asked some of my married friends to help me generate ideas. We came up with over fifty suggestions! Isn't that cool?

Here's #34 from Rekindle Your Romance:

• Use Coupons for your next outing. Clip those coupons to go to a restaurant for less—or to one you wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford. One of my contributors said they like to go to a discount movie and then use coupons or a buy one/get one free deal at a restaurant. This is a great “deal” date night.

The thing about using coupons or a gift card is that you can go places together where you haven't been before, or to somewhere you haven't been able to afford. For our date night, we didn't clip a coupon, but Jason had received a Christmas gift card from his employer to a restaurant we think of as too expensive for us. So, on Saturday night, we went to that restaurant for a nice meal and an enjoyable time together. We did a lot of smiling and talking. Remember, dating is something you do intentionally. It's spending quality time with your spouse, sharing the experience, and bonding together. And it's practicing those little romantic things that add spice to your relationship.

We're more of the get-a-hamburger couple. But in my younger days, a great meal out meant a steak and a baked potato with the trimmings. Your special food might be sushi or a buffet dinner or going somewhere with a great view of a lake. On this date night, we both ordered steak and a potato. Knowing we had the gift card to cover half of our expenses helped in our decision-making. You can see I like mine well-done! (If you don't eat meat, I apologize for the photo.)

I have to admit, even with the $25 gift card we went a little over the $25 date-night budget.

But we had a great time. And the company was pretty fantastic.

Dating is a bit of a novelty for us. Yes, we're that older, comfortable couple. But I want to keep experiencing romance with my man. And now that we live in town, we can go places easier than we could living in the country. I'm also collecting date night ideas. And I'm hoping you'll catch the spirit of dating your spouse too!

If it's been a while since the two of you have spent time doing fun things together, maybe you should ask your spouse for a date. Remind him he's "still the one."

I did. And we're still having fun!

Remember those things that drew you together in the first place.

Hold hands.

Sneak a few kisses.

Have fun making new memories.

Since Jason and I started dating again, I find myself daydreaming about our next date. Where shall we go next? What can we do that would rekindle our romance? Aren't his eyes beautiful? See there! Dating my spouse is already rekindling our romance!

If you'd like some fun (inexpensive) ideas for dating your spouse, get the free resource, Rekindle Your Romance! HERE.

Mary Hanks writes stories about second chances, marriage restoration, and rekindling romance. Visit her website at maryehanks.com.

Rekindle Your Romance Date Night #1

Married couples, have you been on any date nights (days) lately?

With jobs and family and household responsibilities, our date nights can get put on the back burner. Let's change that up in 2018! I challenge you to go out and have more adventures with your spouse this year.

You can even start with something simple like we did.

From Rekindle Your Romance Date Night Ideas #1:

• Hiking together, or even walking hand in hand, can be an inexpensive, yet memorable, day out. Other than the food you pack, possibly gas, or an entrance fee (rare), this is a day you won’t soon forget. Remember how it was when you were first dating? Flirt a little along the trail! Kiss at every bridge or switchback on the path. Take silly selfies. Laugh and have loads of fun together.

A group of fourteen ladies and I gathered over 50 date night ideas--under $25 each--with married couples in mind. Jason and I need a little prompting to get out and have more fun. So we are taking the challenge! Who's with me? Will you take the challenge to date your sweetie more often in 2018?

I'm even going to blog about our adventures and misadventures of dating at 40+ years of marriage! Truth is, we could use a little romance rekindling. Couldn't you? We still want to have fun together, and I bet you do too!

To kick off our challenge, we started with something familiar. Jason and I went on a Sunday afternoon date to a place where we've walked and talked in other seasons. But this time, it was smack-dab in the middle of winter. We wore mittens/gloves and held hands--better to get closer and keep each other warm. And per the instructions, we found a couple of places to sneak a kiss. (Ahem, no pictures of the kissing.)

The boat dock and park by the Resort in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, is one of our fave places to hike. You can see Tubs Hill in the background--which was a setting in Winter's Past. Normally, this area is jam-packed with boats, and I love looking at them. But it's mostly empty now.

However, there were a few boats snuggled up tight for the winter:

After we circled the dock, we walked all the way around the park. Then we found coffee and hot chocolate in the Resort Mall--for a grand total of $10 (including tip). A pretty cheap date, huh?

But getting to walk and talk with the man I love? Priceless! It felt great to get outdoors and exercise together too. We talked and reminisced and bonded.

And that's the good stuff that should happen on a date, right?

Here's your challenge: date your spouse this week! Maybe you can go on a walk/hike, chat, and end up at a coffee shop. If you need some inspiration, download Rekindle Your Romance! Use the ideas that sound just right for both of you.

Do you accept the challenge?

Here's to lots of dating with your husband/wife in 2018!

Romance makes the journey sweeter.

Ever said something you regret?

Sharp words burned on Autumn’s tongue, and she didn’t hold them back. “Leave, for all I care.” (Autumn's Break)

As soon as the door closed, she regretted what she'd said. That her husband was leaving was ripping her apart, but mean-spirited words had popped out faster than she could control them. 

Ever said something in the heat of the moment that you regret? I have.

After church one day, something really irked me. (I know ... after church, right? How could that happen?) I must admit, I’d been feeling grumpy for a while, and my husband had been edgy—perfect tinder for a fight. I hopped in the car and the first thing out of my mouth reeked of accusation. My normally mild-mannered hubby responded with words that churned in my gut for hours.

You’re probably curious about what I said, and if you’re acquainted with the man I’m married to, you want to know what he said because you know he’s a decent guy.

But let’s just say, we were spitting mad at each other.

More about what we’d been feeling than anything that was said.

Soup simmering on the burner long enough is going to boil over!

And it did. Not in a very Christ-like way either.

With stony faces, we rode in silence the rest of the way home.

Ever been there? Angst roiling in your stomach. Tension thick as mud. Hurts building a brick wall between two people who would die for each other under normal circumstances. But not that day.

At the house, I tromped inside and shoved my feet into hiking boots. Within minutes I was trudging into the woods, ranting. A cougar would have met its match if it dared approach me. Oh I wrestled with troubling thoughts that day!

I bet when we get all riled at our spouse the devil does a victory dance! If he has his way, he’ll break us up. Even he knows the good a husband and wife can do for the kingdom of God if they are living in love and unity and praying together. He wants to ruin that. How foolish I was to listen to him that day. But for a few ugly hours I did.

Of course, I worked off my angst. We apologized right away. Lived happily ever after. (Insert romantic music here.)

Ha! Not

Things were icy between us the rest of the day. We barely spoke. Some problems take time to unravel.

I can say ... eventually ... sincere, heartfelt apologies were expressed. Forgiveness was offered and accepted on both sides. But our hearts took a while to mend from our outbursts.

Stuff happens in marriage. In all relationships, for that matter.

Everyone is on a journey, and we never know what struggles a person may be going through. So we should offer lots of grace, right? Seems doubly true for husbands and wives. We don’t fully comprehend everything our sweetheart is experiencing. I don’t know the stress my husband is under at work. What the road conditions were like on the long drive home. What he’s wrestling with inside. He doesn’t know how lonely I’ve been. How much I need for him to come home and talk with me. He doesn’t know my deepest thoughts.

We are human. We make mistakes. I do, for sure!

So let's at least offer our spouse the same kindness we’d extend to friends, family, and coworkers. Then add an extra dose of grace—because, after all, that guy or gal we're married to is the love of our life!

Over the years of our marriage—40+—Jason and I have needed lots of second chances. Maybe a bazillion or so. But that’s okay. We are in this journey of life together. Walking in love most of the time, and offering grace and forgiveness on a daily basis.

How about you? Ever needed a second chance to make things right?

Mary Hanks writes stories of second chances.

We all need a second chance sometime.

The New Baby

Please welcome Autumn's Break to the Second Chance family! Autumn's Break is book #4.

For the last seven months--minus my theatrical time--I've been living in the story with Autumn and Gar, facing their difficulties and trials, and deepening their characters. These two. Boy, oh, boy, do they get to me.

Meet Autumn! For years, she longed to have children. After going through testing and much disappointment, she finally accepts she'll never have kids of her own. Her heart is broken. She pulls deeply into herself, keeping Gar at arms' length. She eats comfort food. In truth, I can't fully imagine the pain she's going through. But I tried really hard. For the first two years of our marriage, I wasn't able to conceive, and I was fearful I wouldn't be able to have children. I tapped into those feelings to reach into Autumn's heart. In her story, there are things that help draw her out of her hurts. And I enjoyed walking that journey with her. Autumn and I have something else in common--a love for chocolate! Mmmm. She's learning how to make specialty fudge. And I was thrilled to do research on that important topic. 

Meet Gar: Gar loves youth theater and finds much of his self-worth in his onstage efforts and in his career as a teacher. I can relate! I worked for 18 years in Christian education, and I've directed 27 full-stage productions. There's nothing like the rush of Opening Night! And I'm always disappointed when the show is over. When the school board shuts down Gar's arts program, he struggles to make sense of it. Can't they see the good he's done? Gar's response to the principal is dramatic and unkind, but it was easy for me to imagine how the ending of his dreams--on top of the guilt he was already carrying over a flirtation that went too far--could bring him to the point of doing something stupid. Gar leaves his marriage. But he has much to ponder in the coming weeks as he faces his own shortcomings--and God's conviction.

The Lord is so good to put people in our lives at just the right time. While Gar is staying in Coeur d'Alene helping in his cousin Kyle's mechanics shop, he meets Ty Williams.

Ty is determined not to be pushy about discussing marriage and reconciliation with Gar. But if he gets the chance, he's going to share about his own journey back to God and his wife. Ty and Winter are going through struggles of their own. In this fourth installment, a past employee, Randi Simmons, is bent on revenge when she shows up at a women's conference in Bend, Oregon.

Themes: Marriage, teaching, directing, canoeing, fudge making, ministry.

Settings: Everett and Edmonds, Washington; Coeur d'Alene, ID, and Spokane, Washington. Bend, Oregon. Also, there's an episode outside of Moses Lake, Washington.

This series is dear to my heart because I believe that God can do amazing things in our broken relationships and bring about a beautiful healing. Beauty for ashes. Hurt and pride exchanged for His presence and peace. I look forward to the months ahead as I write the final installment to the Second Chance series: Season's Joy. 

For a full description of Autumn's Break or to purchase it on Kindle click: 

AUTUMN'S BREAK

Why I Write Stories of Reconciliation

If you've read my posts or any of my women's fiction, you know I write stories about second chances in marriage--about broken couples who defy the odds and find their way back to each other. You might wonder, is she blind to divorce rates? Unfeeling toward people on their second or third marriages? Is she living in some kind of fantasy world to imagine relationships can recover from horrible rifts, and even the worst crime against marriage--infidelity?

When put that way, it seems like a ridiculous impossibility, doesn't it?

The truth is, before my tenth birthday, my parents divorced. I have relatives who have divorced and married someone else and seem quite happy. And even though Jason and I agreed early on not to mention the "D" word, at a couple of dividing lines in our relationship, we considered separating.

I'm not foolish enough to believe all marriages should be reconciled. If violence is involved, run, flee! Even as a child, I never wished for my parents to get back together.

So why do I write stories of second chances? First, I love reading them. Two of my favorite reconciliation books are Francine Rivers' And the Shofar Blew and Karen Kingsbury's A Time to Dance. I've read both of these inspirational books many times. Second, through telling the married fictional tales of Winter and Ty, April and Chad, Summer and Josh, and now, Autumn and Gar, I get to relive the wonder of a husband and wife falling in love with each other all over again. Bits and pieces of these couples' lives do come from my heart. The saying about writers bleeding into their work is true. Are the books autobiographical? No. But here and there, real life seeps in. The other reason I love reconciliation stories is that I believe in God's amazing power to transform and change couples in such a way that they can let go of their pride, their hurts, and their right to hate or act in revenge. That Jesus can soften a husband's and a wife's spirits to such a degree that they melt before the other one is powerful and life changing.

While I won't go into details of how Jason and I ended up in a bad situation, when we came to the point of deciding whether or not to split, we chose to stick together, instead. One day I turned on the audio of our wedding and asked Jason to listen with me. As I cried and listened to our young selves pledging the words "til death do us part" something gripped me. I had made a lifelong promise to my husband. I still wanted to be married to him. I was willing to fight for and do whatever it took to change, to be humble, to make a marked turnaround. We could only do that and have the testimony we do--we've been married 40 years--because of God's grace and power. He changed us. He made us whole. He brought true love back to our hearts and our home.

That's what I want to write about.

Launch Day!

Announcing . . . Summer's Dream (Book 3 in the 2nd Chance Series). I'm excited to share what I've been working on for the last nine months. In the spring, I questioned whether I could write a book and launch it within nine months of another book's release. I know some writers come out with new books every few months. But it was two years between Books 1 and 2 in this series. So, it was an experimental journey for me. I put myself on a schedule that included the book being in the hands of a first reader, a pro-editor, beta readers, and my husband--all at different times, other than the beta readers. And I'm happy to say, it worked! Hallelujah!

Here's a little bit about Summer's Dream:

Summer dreamed of becoming an artist and painting natural beauty on canvas. But all that changed when she married Joshua Hart, a man carrying a powerful dream of his own. With a temper to match his wild-boy good looks, he stormed out of their marriage to pursue a life as a musician, leaving her alone and, unbeknown to him, pregnant.

Five years later, Summer is busy raising her daughter and managing the family's camp and retreat center in the woods of Eastern Washington. With her artistic dreams all but forgotten, her world turns upside down the day Josh shows up with an offer to help her get the camp ready--and plans for divorce.

Only Josh didn't expect to find a blue-eyed darling who calls him "Daddy" living at Hart's Camp. Not to mention his surprise over the attraction he still feels for Summer Day. Can he make amends for the past? Or is it too late?

My heart is for reconciliation and healing in marriage, and God has inspired me to write about that in books. He is so beautiful to heal our hearts and change us, isn't He? Sometimes the very situation we would consider beyond help, He touches and transforms.

Joy Calkins said this in her endorsement for Summer's Dream:

"As a pastor's wife, I've seen the grace of God work miracles in the lives of many marriages, including my own. Many, if not most of us need 2nd chances, a do over, a mulligan as my husband calls it in golf terms."

Have you ever needed a 2nd chance? A do over? I sure have.
 Can God bring life to a dead marriage?

Read what happens to Josh and Summer Day Hart in 

Summer's Dream

99 cents for a limited time!!

Miracle Wedding Story

I met Jason at church when I was fifteen. I loved his smile and his beautiful green eyes. The first time he sat next to me on the pew was one of the best days of my life. We started dating, which really meant going to church—thanks to four services a week—or sitting around my house, talking.

The problem with our relationship was that I was young. I got my first kiss on my sixteenth birthday. And five-and-a-half months later, Jason asked me to marry him—he was a whopping nineteen. There wasn't any fanfare. No billboard proposal, diamond ring, or audience. Just two people who felt the rest of their lives would be better with each other.

The biggest challenge ahead of us was facing my mom. I was sixteen, the only girl in the family. And though she liked Jason and said we could eventually marry, we had to wait since I was so young—unless God showed her differently.

Hallelujah for the “unless.” Being young and full of believing in the impossible, we knew God could surely do that exact thing.

The Lord often revealed things to my mom in dreams—words of wisdom, a baby's gender before it was born, etc. Jason, on the other hand, would have an impression, where something came to his mind strongly, and he would recognize that as God speaking to him.

One day, he told me, “God showed me the date we're supposed to get married.”

Hurray! I was so excited. And I knew if the Lord could show him the date, surely He would show my mom too.

Jason wrote the information on a piece of paper and put it in a sealed envelope, and we waited for God to finish the work.

One morning a couple of weeks later, my mom told me she'd had a dream. In her night thoughts, she was decorating a wedding cake and had written a date on the top. She didn't tell me what it was, but she wrote the month and day on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope.

And a “reveal” was planned.

It was a little scary, but mostly exciting, as I waited to see how it would all turn out. Would the dates match? If they were different, which one would be the right one? (Shame on me for doubting, huh?) With smiles and eager anticipation, my mom and Jason opened the other person's envelope. Alas, each paper read “August 9^th.”

We had our miracle!

We did a bunch of whooping and hugging and praising God. My dream of getting married right away was coming true.

A month later, when August 9^th rolled around, I was a young bride, barely seventeen. We were just two kids facing a big world, but we were choosing to spend our lives with each other, for better or for worse. And that's what we've done.

Here's a song Jason wrote, and we sang at our wedding:

Jesus, we know that we need You.

Jesus, we know You are King.

Go with us throughout life's journey,

And make us a vessel for Thee.

And that could be the end of our happily-ever-after story about the date. But to add to the fun, sixteen years later, on August 9^th, our youngest son was born, which was a really sweet anniversary gift. And then, thirty-nine years from our wedding day, our oldest son chose to marry on that date. How cool is that? We have an ongoing family joke that all weddings and special events should happen then, also.

In a couple of days, Jason and I will be celebrating our 40^th anniversary. Some thought we'd never make it—and didn't mind telling us so—especially since I was so young. But God had a good plan for our lives. Four days ago, while hiking on our mountain, I asked Jason to marry me, and he said “yes.” Yay!! We would do it all over again, if given the chance.

I'm so pleased God gave us our own wedding miracle, our promise of His love and care for us through the years. And, hey, I got to marry the tall boy with the beautiful green eyes. Here's to forty more!

Here's My Baby!!

Today is Celebration Day!!!

I get to show you my baby.

For the first time on this blog, let me introduce . . .

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today is Launch Day for April's Storm, the second book in my 2nd Chance Series! It's a very exciting day for me. It kind of reminds me of having a baby. Finally, my friends and family get to see (read) the story that's been living and growing in my heart for over a year.

As I release this book into the vast world, I'm saying good-bye to my time spent with Chad and April, characters who have become dear to me, and, in many ways, real. While April's Storm isn't my personal story, to read my work is to know my heart. I want to thank you for doing that, and for joining with me in cheering for Chad's and April's second chance at love.

For a limited time, April's Storm is 99 cents on Kindle!!

Get your Kindle copy today: Kindle copy of April's Storm 

Like to hold a paperback? Paperback of April's Storm

Sometimes our paths cross for a reason.

April Gray is fed up with lectures on how to become the perfect pastor's wife, and her husband's around-the-clock vigilance to the church is driving her crazy. Has he fallen out of love with her? Is he having an affair? After months of parsonage warfare, April is sure there's only one thing left to do—leave!

Being a pastor means everything to Chad. He thought April knew that when he married her. Why can't she see he's doing the work of ten men? He doesn't have time for romance when he barely has time to eat.

As a last ditch attempt to rescue their marriage, April and Chad attend a marriage seminar where Ty and Winter Williams, second-time-around newlyweds, are sharing their journey of forgiveness and second chances. Reconciliation sounds fine to Chad, but what price will he have to pay?

“In April’s Storm, Mary Hanks follows up Winter’s Past with another stellar read and gives us a front row seat to witness God mending broken hearts, restoring shattered dreams, and reviving a crumbling marriage.” Paula McGrew

Here's the main setting for April's Storm: Ketchikan, Alaska. 

The mountain in this photo is Deer Mountain, where April and Chad hike.

I've been to the top a couple of times myself.

Married Glances

In my WIP, April's Storm, April wishes her preacher-husband would glance across the wedding attendees and catch her eye, notice her, send her a silent message with a sizzling look. But she realizes, Chad, the twenty-four-hours-a-day-servant guy, would never do that. He's operating in his official capacity at a wedding—she knows this—yet she still longs for him to single her out.

Have you ever wanted that? Have you ever felt a need for your husband to take your hand or kiss your cheek or just let his gaze linger on you an extra moment?

I have. Even after thirty-nine years of marriage, the need for my husband's acknowledgement might come at a less-than-perfect time for him. Still, from across a crowded church or a busy store, if Jason glances my way, it changes the moment between us. It takes such a tiny chunk of time for a husband to remind his wife that he loves her. That he has eyes for her alone. To remind her that when he's done with all the busyness of work or service, he's looking forward to being alone with her. Remember how it was when you were dating? You could stir up all kinds of romantic sparks without saying a word. A glance is surely worth a couple hundred words. It says, "I'm still mad about you. I want you. Let's hold hands. When this meeting's over, I'm going to give you a kiss that'll make your toes curl. I can't wait to hold you in my arms. I'm glad I married you."

For me, that means so much. I can't speak for a guy, but I can guess he likes those special connections too. Let your eyes talk. Tell your husband or wife you're wild about him/her, even from a distance. 

Eyes sparkle, glow, shine. Let your eyes radiate love. And those little glances will take on a language of their own that can last a lifetime.

I Need Adventure!

Sometimes life gets mundane. We do the same things over and over. “Same time. Same Bat channel.”

Do you ever feel like you’ve got to get away or you might explode?

That was me a month ago. I needed adventure and a dash of spontaneous fun.  

So, Jason and I did something we’ve never done before. We made quick plans and took off to a place of delightful eye-candy—The Grand Canyon.

Rich hues of mountainous splendor. Drop-offs near our feet. The excitement of seeing something for the very first time. Sure, we’d seen pictures and clips in movies. But experiencing it ourselves was another story entirely.The first day we did the tourist thing as we hiked the South Rim on the 4^th of July. The views were fabulous as we looked down. Thousands of people joined us on our trek.

But it wasn’t until the second day when we hiked into the canyon that we truly experienced the depth and detail of the massive mountains all around us.

 

And it was hot. 107 degrees at Cedar Ridge.

On that day, we truly found our adventure. We hiked down a mile and a half to Cedar Ridge. We weren’t as daring as some. We only walked until half of our water supply was gone. There are signs all around urging people not to walk down to the river and back in one day—a twelve mile hike roundtrip. But even at a mile and a half we felt like adventurers winding down into the rocks and heat. We could imagine early settlers viewing these sights. Native Americans living on the green patch far below, so contrasting to the rugged stones all around.

 



We were right there. Experiencing it. Breathing in the air of The Grand Canyon. And eating lunch, of course!

 

The hike back up was much more difficult than I’d imagined. In the past when we’d climbed mountains, we climbed while we were fresh and came downhill when we were tired. At The Grand Canyon, it’s the opposite. You hike down while you’re fresh and hike UP when you’re tired.  

But putting one foot in front of the other, and admiring the glorious scenery around us, we made it back to the top. Tired, but happy.

I had my adventure. Now, I can't wait for the next one! :)