Ever said something you regret?

Sharp words burned on Autumn’s tongue, and she didn’t hold them back. “Leave, for all I care.” (Autumn's Break)

As soon as the door closed, she regretted what she'd said. That her husband was leaving was ripping her apart, but mean-spirited words had popped out faster than she could control them. 

Ever said something in the heat of the moment that you regret? I have.

After church one day, something really irked me. (I know ... after church, right? How could that happen?) I must admit, I’d been feeling grumpy for a while, and my husband had been edgy—perfect tinder for a fight. I hopped in the car and the first thing out of my mouth reeked of accusation. My normally mild-mannered hubby responded with words that churned in my gut for hours.

You’re probably curious about what I said, and if you’re acquainted with the man I’m married to, you want to know what he said because you know he’s a decent guy.

But let’s just say, we were spitting mad at each other.

More about what we’d been feeling than anything that was said.

Soup simmering on the burner long enough is going to boil over!

And it did. Not in a very Christ-like way either.

With stony faces, we rode in silence the rest of the way home.

Ever been there? Angst roiling in your stomach. Tension thick as mud. Hurts building a brick wall between two people who would die for each other under normal circumstances. But not that day.

At the house, I tromped inside and shoved my feet into hiking boots. Within minutes I was trudging into the woods, ranting. A cougar would have met its match if it dared approach me. Oh I wrestled with troubling thoughts that day!

I bet when we get all riled at our spouse the devil does a victory dance! If he has his way, he’ll break us up. Even he knows the good a husband and wife can do for the kingdom of God if they are living in love and unity and praying together. He wants to ruin that. How foolish I was to listen to him that day. But for a few ugly hours I did.

Of course, I worked off my angst. We apologized right away. Lived happily ever after. (Insert romantic music here.)

Ha! Not

Things were icy between us the rest of the day. We barely spoke. Some problems take time to unravel.

I can say ... eventually ... sincere, heartfelt apologies were expressed. Forgiveness was offered and accepted on both sides. But our hearts took a while to mend from our outbursts.

Stuff happens in marriage. In all relationships, for that matter.

Everyone is on a journey, and we never know what struggles a person may be going through. So we should offer lots of grace, right? Seems doubly true for husbands and wives. We don’t fully comprehend everything our sweetheart is experiencing. I don’t know the stress my husband is under at work. What the road conditions were like on the long drive home. What he’s wrestling with inside. He doesn’t know how lonely I’ve been. How much I need for him to come home and talk with me. He doesn’t know my deepest thoughts.

We are human. We make mistakes. I do, for sure!

So let's at least offer our spouse the same kindness we’d extend to friends, family, and coworkers. Then add an extra dose of grace—because, after all, that guy or gal we're married to is the love of our life!

Over the years of our marriage—40+—Jason and I have needed lots of second chances. Maybe a bazillion or so. But that’s okay. We are in this journey of life together. Walking in love most of the time, and offering grace and forgiveness on a daily basis.

How about you? Ever needed a second chance to make things right?

Mary Hanks writes stories of second chances.

We all need a second chance sometime.

Married Glances

In my WIP, April's Storm, April wishes her preacher-husband would glance across the wedding attendees and catch her eye, notice her, send her a silent message with a sizzling look. But she realizes, Chad, the twenty-four-hours-a-day-servant guy, would never do that. He's operating in his official capacity at a wedding—she knows this—yet she still longs for him to single her out.

Have you ever wanted that? Have you ever felt a need for your husband to take your hand or kiss your cheek or just let his gaze linger on you an extra moment?

I have. Even after thirty-nine years of marriage, the need for my husband's acknowledgement might come at a less-than-perfect time for him. Still, from across a crowded church or a busy store, if Jason glances my way, it changes the moment between us. It takes such a tiny chunk of time for a husband to remind his wife that he loves her. That he has eyes for her alone. To remind her that when he's done with all the busyness of work or service, he's looking forward to being alone with her. Remember how it was when you were dating? You could stir up all kinds of romantic sparks without saying a word. A glance is surely worth a couple hundred words. It says, "I'm still mad about you. I want you. Let's hold hands. When this meeting's over, I'm going to give you a kiss that'll make your toes curl. I can't wait to hold you in my arms. I'm glad I married you."

For me, that means so much. I can't speak for a guy, but I can guess he likes those special connections too. Let your eyes talk. Tell your husband or wife you're wild about him/her, even from a distance. 

Eyes sparkle, glow, shine. Let your eyes radiate love. And those little glances will take on a language of their own that can last a lifetime.