Rekindle Your Romance Date Night #3: Plan!

We need a date night plan! Without one, Jason and I will stay home, relax, and settle into our comfy rut. I mean, we've been developing this rut for a long time. (Ahem, a few decades.) Sometimes, having a rut to share with your spouse sounds great. Like the weather is terrible. We're exhausted at day's end. And if you're like us, you're playing catch-up after Christmas spending. So staying home may seem like the perfect solution.

Yet, what about romance?
What about the date night challenge?
What about spending quality romantic time with your spouse as much as you can in 2018?

I confess, this week, we didn't have a plan.

However, in full disclosure, after my workshop last Saturday, Jason suggested we go to dinner. So we went to a restaurant, chatted about the workshop, and talked about the type of house we should live in next. But, as thoughtful as the outing was, it wasn't a date.

You know what I mean, right? There's a difference between the things we do on a regular basis as a married couple--eating together, shopping, watching TV--and the things we do when we're focused on being romantic and dating. For each couple it's different. For me it means flirty glances, hand-holding, stolen kisses, and experiencing something new together. And did I mention ... flirting? (Yes, even as a long-time married couple, flirting with each other is still part of our dance.)

Actual dating is something new for us, and we can easily slip back into our stay-at-home comfort zone. However, my goal for this year is for us to date more and focus on rekindling our romance.

How about you?
Do you and your spouse have a date night plan?

If not, may I recommend my free resource "Rekindle Your Romance! 50+ Date Night Ideas for Married Couples?" I apologize for the blatant advertising. But, hey, it is free. It's packed with ideas for date nights. Couples can use the suggestions they like, and hopefully the 50+ ideas will stir up some creative date night possibilities of your own.

For us, we need to talk about our plans early in the week, or else too many days can pass without us dating or working on rekindling our romance.

Then we get too comfy in our rut.
Perhaps, feel bored.
Or even get grumpy.
(Or is that only me?)

Spontaneity has its place in marriage too. I'm all for surprises. An unexpected romantic getaway sounds fabulous, especially in the middle of winter.

But I also like having something to look forward to.

I enjoy daydreaming about Jason and me dating.
Where shall we go next?
Is there a local venue we haven't explored lately?

Where will you go with your spouse this weekend?
What are you going to see or do?
Remember, both of you can come up with ideas. If you can't agree on one, toss a coin. Go with one of your ideas this week, and your spouse's idea next week. The point is to go. Have fun. Be together.

Hold hands.
Kiss.
Smile at each other.
Tell each other special things along the way.
Whisper sweet nothings during that movie or walk.
Laugh.
Talk.
Share ideas.
Dream.

Let's make our marriages stronger, happier, and more fun!

Plan something enjoyable with your spouse for tonight or tomorrow, or next week.
Dating your husband/wife is worth every bit of effort it takes: planning, saving, getting a babysitter, etc. If you have a tight budget, that's okay. It's not about going anywhere fancy. It's about being together, being romantic, and having fun.

Ready.
Set.
Plan.
Date your spouse!

Mary Hanks writes about second chances, marriage restoration, and rekindling romance. Visit maryehanks.com.

If you missed the first two blogs in this Date Night series, check out:

Rekindle Your Romance Date Night #1

Rekindle Your Romance Date Night #2

Rekindle Your Romance Date Night #2

Last week, I asked Jason if he would date me. And he said, "Yes."
(Big smile.)

It's easy for us to get busy with life, or to feel lazy and stay home, and forget about dating each other.

We're great friends. That in itself is pretty cool after forty years of marriage.

It might be easy to think friendship is enough.

But I still want to experience romance with the man I love.

I like for us to remember what drew us together in the first place.

And to talk about those things.

So we're dating.

And I'm sharing a little of our journey as we date as a married couple.

For many, a weekly date night is nothing new. If you've been dating your spouse regularly, good for you! You are a giant step ahead of us.

But for those who have kind of forgotten what it means to date, this blog might serve as a tiny reminder to rekindle your romance.

Things to think about:

• Dressing up can be fun. And it says something, doesn't it? You're worth a little fuss. I'm putting my going-out face on just for you! I've been looking forward to our time together.
• Going somewhere new can be a fabulous shared experience. And making new memories together can be priceless.
• Dating doesn't have to cost a lot of money to be special.
• Holding hands with your spouse is a beautiful connection.
• Kissing in the car (or on a walk) is still exciting.

One time, before we were married, Jason pulled up to a stop sign in a quiet neighborhood and gave me a big kiss. Guess who happened to drive by just then? Yep, my mother! (I was sixteen.) Oh, was she mad! And, boy, was I embarrassed! That night, I got a huge lecture about never doing that again--especially on our way back from church. (Yikes!)

But you know what? Ahem. Forty-plus years later, I still like stolen kisses from my sweetheart. It's exciting. And maybe a little sneaky--still. (Giggle.)

Not too long ago, I got an idea to compile a list of inexpensive places to go for date nights, so I asked some of my married friends to help me generate ideas. We came up with over fifty suggestions! Isn't that cool?

Here's #34 from Rekindle Your Romance:

• Use Coupons for your next outing. Clip those coupons to go to a restaurant for less—or to one you wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford. One of my contributors said they like to go to a discount movie and then use coupons or a buy one/get one free deal at a restaurant. This is a great “deal” date night.

The thing about using coupons or a gift card is that you can go places together where you haven't been before, or to somewhere you haven't been able to afford. For our date night, we didn't clip a coupon, but Jason had received a Christmas gift card from his employer to a restaurant we think of as too expensive for us. So, on Saturday night, we went to that restaurant for a nice meal and an enjoyable time together. We did a lot of smiling and talking. Remember, dating is something you do intentionally. It's spending quality time with your spouse, sharing the experience, and bonding together. And it's practicing those little romantic things that add spice to your relationship.

We're more of the get-a-hamburger couple. But in my younger days, a great meal out meant a steak and a baked potato with the trimmings. Your special food might be sushi or a buffet dinner or going somewhere with a great view of a lake. On this date night, we both ordered steak and a potato. Knowing we had the gift card to cover half of our expenses helped in our decision-making. You can see I like mine well-done! (If you don't eat meat, I apologize for the photo.)

I have to admit, even with the $25 gift card we went a little over the $25 date-night budget.

But we had a great time. And the company was pretty fantastic.

Dating is a bit of a novelty for us. Yes, we're that older, comfortable couple. But I want to keep experiencing romance with my man. And now that we live in town, we can go places easier than we could living in the country. I'm also collecting date night ideas. And I'm hoping you'll catch the spirit of dating your spouse too!

If it's been a while since the two of you have spent time doing fun things together, maybe you should ask your spouse for a date. Remind him he's "still the one."

I did. And we're still having fun!

Remember those things that drew you together in the first place.

Hold hands.

Sneak a few kisses.

Have fun making new memories.

Since Jason and I started dating again, I find myself daydreaming about our next date. Where shall we go next? What can we do that would rekindle our romance? Aren't his eyes beautiful? See there! Dating my spouse is already rekindling our romance!

If you'd like some fun (inexpensive) ideas for dating your spouse, get the free resource, Rekindle Your Romance! HERE.

Mary Hanks writes stories about second chances, marriage restoration, and rekindling romance. Visit her website at maryehanks.com.

Happily Ever After

Awww. The movie ends, and we’re left with such dreamy feelings.

“Happily ever after.” Sounds almost perfect, doesn’t it?

Yet I wonder, does that quote sneakily imply when we marry we’ll never have problems? That a wife will meet her husband’s every need? That he’ll keep her happy and free from being sad or lonely for the rest of her life?

In movies, happiness seems to be a deal breaker. Like if they aren’t happy they can walk away. When did happiness become the on-demand ingredient in marriage?

While marriage certainly has its blissful moments, I can guarantee that a husband and wife—being human like me—will err one or two or a bunch of times. Someone will get mad or jealous or irritated. Someone may storm out of the house. Or cry. Or yell. Stuff happens. Hurts will come. But so will forgiveness. Healing. Peace. And reconciliation, if we let it.

“’Til death do us part” is all about being sold on loving our spouse and choosing to remain by his or her side—no matter what. Through thick and thin and all the ups and downs of life, our love and promises hold us together with a magical super glue.

However, no marriage partners get it right all the time.

Jas and I aren’t living “happily” ever after. We’ve had problems. We’ve also experienced crazy joy and love. We are best friends. But we’re still working on some things. We’ve fallen out of love. We’ve also fallen deeply in love with each other—over and over.

In fact, I fell in love with him just a few days before Christmas.

Ever heard of a cuddle chair? It’s a chair that’s narrower than a loveseat, yet wider than a regular recliner, and built for two. By the name, I think you basically have to cuddle in it.

Due to us trying to selling our house, we didn’t have much furniture left in the place. In the evenings we were sitting in uncomfortable office chairs to watch movies, not in our old loveseat like we used to. The arrangement didn’t promote closeness or romantic interactions.

In need of a solution, we went on a furniture hunt. As soon as I spotted the cuddle recliners, I wanted one! We store-hopped for a while, trying out various recliners built for two. Finally, we chose the most comfortable fit for us and brought the new piece home.

We were now able to sit very close. We ate dinner next to each other. We watched movies in the evenings side by side—and sometimes fell asleep there.

Jas had two weeks off for Christmas. Almost from the first day of his vacation he was more relaxed and attentive than he'd been in a long time. Seemed he might just be on the lookout for ways to romance me. And me being the romantic girl I am, my heart melted with the attention! One night, we were sitting on our cuddle chair watching something, and we turned and stared into each other’s eyes—held gazes just like they do in the movies. A cute smile crossed his lips. Romantic sparkles lit his green eyes. I was seeing into the same heart of the man I’d fallen in love with as a teenager.

We closed our eyes and tenderly kissed. There was healing and hope in that moment. For a while, I just gazed at him, loving him all over again.

Yep. I think every married couple should buy a cuddle chair. ;)

When was the last time you gazed deeply into your spouse’s eyes and let yourself become vulnerable enough to let him/her peer into yours? How long since you kissed each other like you were eighteen and madly in love? How about having some intentional romance this weekend? Not because it’s Valentine’s week. But because he or she is the love of your life! You both deserve some quality alone time to get to know each other again.

Go on a date. Hold hands. Sit in the car and kiss passionately. And love your life together. Remember, you are so blessed to have each other!

You and I may not live “happily ever after.” But a lot of ever after sure is going to be happy!

Mary Hanks writes stories of second chances.

We all need a second chance sometime.

Ever said something you regret?

Sharp words burned on Autumn’s tongue, and she didn’t hold them back. “Leave, for all I care.” (Autumn's Break)

As soon as the door closed, she regretted what she'd said. That her husband was leaving was ripping her apart, but mean-spirited words had popped out faster than she could control them. 

Ever said something in the heat of the moment that you regret? I have.

After church one day, something really irked me. (I know ... after church, right? How could that happen?) I must admit, I’d been feeling grumpy for a while, and my husband had been edgy—perfect tinder for a fight. I hopped in the car and the first thing out of my mouth reeked of accusation. My normally mild-mannered hubby responded with words that churned in my gut for hours.

You’re probably curious about what I said, and if you’re acquainted with the man I’m married to, you want to know what he said because you know he’s a decent guy.

But let’s just say, we were spitting mad at each other.

More about what we’d been feeling than anything that was said.

Soup simmering on the burner long enough is going to boil over!

And it did. Not in a very Christ-like way either.

With stony faces, we rode in silence the rest of the way home.

Ever been there? Angst roiling in your stomach. Tension thick as mud. Hurts building a brick wall between two people who would die for each other under normal circumstances. But not that day.

At the house, I tromped inside and shoved my feet into hiking boots. Within minutes I was trudging into the woods, ranting. A cougar would have met its match if it dared approach me. Oh I wrestled with troubling thoughts that day!

I bet when we get all riled at our spouse the devil does a victory dance! If he has his way, he’ll break us up. Even he knows the good a husband and wife can do for the kingdom of God if they are living in love and unity and praying together. He wants to ruin that. How foolish I was to listen to him that day. But for a few ugly hours I did.

Of course, I worked off my angst. We apologized right away. Lived happily ever after. (Insert romantic music here.)

Ha! Not

Things were icy between us the rest of the day. We barely spoke. Some problems take time to unravel.

I can say ... eventually ... sincere, heartfelt apologies were expressed. Forgiveness was offered and accepted on both sides. But our hearts took a while to mend from our outbursts.

Stuff happens in marriage. In all relationships, for that matter.

Everyone is on a journey, and we never know what struggles a person may be going through. So we should offer lots of grace, right? Seems doubly true for husbands and wives. We don’t fully comprehend everything our sweetheart is experiencing. I don’t know the stress my husband is under at work. What the road conditions were like on the long drive home. What he’s wrestling with inside. He doesn’t know how lonely I’ve been. How much I need for him to come home and talk with me. He doesn’t know my deepest thoughts.

We are human. We make mistakes. I do, for sure!

So let's at least offer our spouse the same kindness we’d extend to friends, family, and coworkers. Then add an extra dose of grace—because, after all, that guy or gal we're married to is the love of our life!

Over the years of our marriage—40+—Jason and I have needed lots of second chances. Maybe a bazillion or so. But that’s okay. We are in this journey of life together. Walking in love most of the time, and offering grace and forgiveness on a daily basis.

How about you? Ever needed a second chance to make things right?

Mary Hanks writes stories of second chances.

We all need a second chance sometime.