Holding my Breath

When I release a new book, or play, I feel like I’m holding my breath. Waiting. Wondering. Will anyone like it? Can I, we, convey the heart of this story? Will someone “get” it?

Months, maybe a year, before Opening Night, or years if it’s a book, I've had a spark of an idea that could germinate into something bigger. It might start with a riled conversation, someone’s weakness, a character’s quirky trait, or like my latest play, a question. For me, the story develops slowly. I don’t know the ending, other than that it will be a happy one, and I don’t foresee the gritty details. But layer by layer, a tale emerges, then gets deeper and thicker with human flaws, details, interactions, and emotions.

While I typically work on a piece for a long time, I never know if the outcome will be what I'd hoped for. Is it good enough? Will the audience get the punch line? I remember one year standing behind the backdrops in my black tech clothes, holding my breath, waiting to see if the audience would laugh at a particular spot. When the laughter came, I grinned in relief at my assistant. That was a sweet moment. Another time, seven boys were doing a pretty awesome line dance. I was sure the audience would clap and cheer during the country music. I can’t see the faces in the crowd. I’m behind the set, listening, sometimes peeking through a tiny hole in the junction of two flats. On that night, throughout the entire routine, there wasn’t a sound from the audience. I couldn’t believe it. Disappointment crept through me. Then, as the song and lights faded, the room erupted with loud, wild applause. Whew. Big sigh.

With a play, I get immediate feedback in the clapping, the whistles, the laughter, the encore.

As an author, I don’t get to experience the groans, tears, or laughter as a reader absorbs the story I've lived in. After the release of a book, there’s silence. And it can be a little scary. Each day I wonder if someone, somewhere, is reading one of my books. Do they hate it? Do they like it? (grimace, sigh) I’m not sharing this to get praise or criticism for my books. Reviews do that job, and I’m not asking for that here. I’m just thinking about where I've been for the last two-and-a-half months since the release of April’s Storm. Other authors, artists, and theater directors might relate to this after-launch dilemma.

You see, I’m in wonder-land. A place of quiet contemplation. I ponder if a story that lived in my mind can be adequately felt, tasted, lived in someone else’s mind. What could I have done better? How could I improve with the next theme?

In three short weeks, I’ll get to “hear” the response for my next production A Taste of Joy, a story that started with a question—Could a person filled with joy make a difference? This Depression-Era tale is about me exploring that idea. For now, I’m filled with hope that between today and three weeks from now, my actors will step into their shoes and become their characters for a little while, to know and experience others’ pain and losses, and to find real joy in the midst of it.

And me? I’ll be backstage, behind beautifully painted flats, holding my breath a little . . . and listening.

Writer's Life: Deadline Doubts

A deadline makes you work faster and crazier than ever. It adds stress and clarity to your job. And, it's exciting. You only have so many days, hours, or minutes to accomplish a thing, sort of a race against time. A real deadline keeps you on your toes, possibly till the last minute.

That's where I was at Friday night.

Could I finish everything? I still had many hours of work ahead of me. But being stubborn by nature, I knew I could do it if I stuck to the plan. I had to!

My deadline was November 1^st. With twelve beta readers waiting to test April's Storm, (due to release in January) I needed to finish the editing I'd been working on and format it into e-book so I could send it out to them. For two weeks, I'd been staying up till one-ish in the morning, burning the proverbial midnight oil, working through edits, pushing myself. Getting up and starting at it again, day after day.

On that last night, October 31^st, I determined to push through, no matter what it took. I'd hardly eaten. I forgot the 20/20/20 rule the optometrist told me to follow—every twenty minutes look at something twenty feet away for twenty seconds. Instead, I stared at the computer hour after grueling hour. Maybe, next time, I'll follow his rule, but that day, nothing was going to hinder me. I was fighting deadline doubts and was determined to overcome.

Feeling the fires of adrenaline as I neared the finish line, I kept working. Formatting never turns out as cleanly as I'd like it to the first time, so I had fixings and re-uploads to accomplish. But, finally, at two in the morning, I'd finished almost everything I'd planned to do. Only sending the files remained. Something I could do when I woke up. Thinking I should get some sleep, or be super cranky the next day, I lay down to rest. But my eyes refused to stay closed. My mind whirred with that one last thing I should have done. Why didn't I just send those files? How could I sleep with such a big accomplishment—I've been working on this book for a year—hanging over my head? I couldn't. So . . . I hopped up, threw my sweatshirt back on, hobbled in the dark to my computer, and sent those large files one by one via email (over my very slow internet server.) But it was thrilling! Other than the editor and my critique partner, people were finally going to read my entire story.

I went back to bed at 3:30, exhausted, but happy.

Following five hours of sleep, I got up and felt a little blurry all day. But I was delirious with joy for having reached my goal. In a couple of months, I'll be right back there again, fighting the giant of doubt as I tackle formatting and publishing issues. But for now, I can cheer and pat myself on the back, and thank God for His help. I tackled a deadline and won!

Yippeeeeeeeee!

Write When it Hits

Inspiration comes to me at the strangest moments. In the shower. Brushing my teeth. Digging in the garden. During prayer. When I'm just waking up. When I'm about to go to sleep.

I might be busy, or not, doing something in particular, or not thinking about anything at all, and this idea suddenly pops into my head. It's a great idea. Fantastic. Something I would never forget! Like a new twist to the story I wouldn't have thought up myself, even if I'd been dwelling on the topic all morning. It's inspiration, plain and simple.

But if I don't write it down that very minute, nine times out of ten, I'm going to forget it. Wow. There went my inspiration out the window, out of my mind, probably, never to be replayed in my head again.

I have a friend whom the Lord prompted to keep a notebook by her bedside to write the things He was going to speak to her. And she did. Through the next season in her life, whenever she had a meaningful dream or a vision or a special word, she'd write it down. Years later, she was able to use all those experiences she'd taken note of to write an inspirational book. Isn't that awesome?

Another writer friend gave me a cute little notebook I carry around in my purse. If an idea hits me while I'm in the car or away from the house, I take out that cherished gift from a friend and jot down my thoughts. But the problem comes when I'm doing something active—like driving or working outdoors. I can't stop and write that very second. So I say to myself, No problem, it's such a great idea, I won't forget.

But I do forget. Ugh.

Maybe, it's my age, but now, I really must write my inspirational thoughts when they hit me. Whether it's on the computer or a notebook or a scrap of paper or a napkin, I need to get those words down. Even if they aren't coherent sentences. If I don't, you and I both know what will probably happen. Maybe, that means keeping notebooks in strategic places: the bathroom, the kitchen, in my wheelbarrow. I have a recording device, but I can't see myself carrying that around my ten acres. A whiteboard might work to jot ideas throughout the day, and then I could type them into the computer later. Perhaps, I should carry a miniature notebook in my back pocket at all times.

I've noticed bursts of inspiration happening to me a lot lately as I'm working through editing and tweaking details in my latest WIP, April's Storm. I feel so blessed and thankful when that special idea hits. But when I sit down to edit, sure enough, the brilliant thoughts are gone.

How about you? What do you do to capture those inspired thoughts immediately?

Second Chances in the Woods

Eight years ago, Jason and I moved our home from the city to the woods. We'd desired and prayed for land for a long time, ever since we'd sold our remote property in Alaska, so living in the country was going to be a dream come true for us. Our contractor cleared a big area to make it usable, but in the process the house site became like a dust bowl. After our house was placed on a foundation, we took the above picture of the backside.

The thick forest remained behind us, but we had dirt all around us. Since I'm allergic to dirt, that became a problem. We planted grass seed and watered like crazy. Night after night, in the dark after work, Jason would water in the front yard, and I would take the back. Unfortunately, we didn't understand about topsoil, so we faced an uphill battle to get those seeds to grow.

Because of the deer population, we enclosed our backyard with fencing. There, I can grow what I want without fearing another deer raid. Unless, of course, they jump a seven-foot-high fence—or someone leaves the gate open.

I took this picture today of the same viewpoint as the one above, eight years later. A testimony of new life and regrowth--and our determination!

If you've read any of my writing, you know I love second chances. This morning, with all the summer growth and beauty around me, I pondered second chances in nature. Jesus spoke a lot about natural occurrences and likened them to spiritual things. It means a lot to me to walk through my land and see His handiwork teaching me too.

Before we moved in, the previous owner had harvested some trees, and the loggers cut four roads to the top of the mountain. While kind of ugly, these cleared roads were handy as we loved to walk all over in the woods. Surely, these passageways would always be there for us, I thought naively.

After eight years, it's amazing how these roads, which were scraped almost bare by heavy machinery, have entered a new season of life. It's like a miracle!

Here's a picture I took on my walk this morning. We used to drive our Ram Charger up this road to gather wood. Now it's impassable.

My husband recently drove the lawnmower up this path, just so we could use it for our evening walks.

Isn't it amazing how God planned for things to re-grow, to have new life, to reconcile past wrongs, to live again? It's so fabulous, it's mind boggling. Where destruction happened, new life springs up and not only is reconciliation birthed, freedom and growth thrive! When God makes a plan, He makes a good one. It isn't weak. Or helpless. It's strong and powerful.

Several years ago, Jason felled a tree. When it dropped to the ground, part of its branches crushed a small tree beneath it. Over the years, we've observed this plant stretch out and grow bigger and taller, crooked as it is. Each spring, I thrill to see it emerge from winter straighter as it reaches for the sky. Sure, a wrong happened to it. A big old tree fell down "wham" on top of it. But, today, it's thriving in its second chance at life.

Here's a picture of my little miracle tree in the forefront. Notice its crooked limbs. Oh, but it's reaching for the sky!

I love transplanting. It's a risk every time I uproot something, not knowing if it will survive my human efforts of relocation. But with love and tender care, and if the deer stay away, they do quite well. Because the back of our property is woodsy and the roadside area is open, I'm attempting to bring the woods forward. This will give us privacy and hopefully, in time, absorb some dust from reaching our house.

Watching these small trees thrive in their new environment reminds me of the saying "Grow where you are planted!" I think that ties in so well with second chances. Sure, these transplanted trees would have grown in the woods. But I choose to transplant trees that appear to be growing too close to another tree, where they're not getting their share of light, or they might die. In some ways, I'm giving these saplings a new chance.

Just try to hold back the forest from re-growth and new life! It's not going to happen. And it won't stop happening in believers either. God is a God of second chances. Of new beginnings.

In 2 Corinthians 5:19 it tells how God has "committed to us the message of reconciliation." It's all around us. Starting with nature. The things I see as I walk in the woods are a demonstration of the Lord's great love us. We're starting over. Brand new. Blessed with second chances every day. I love it! 

Journey of a Book Cover

They say "Don't judge a book by it's cover." Yet, we do. The story would be exactly the same with a plain cover versus an eye-dazzling cover, but there's something dynamic that happens when the picture on the front of a book grabs us.

When my book Winter's Past was finished and professionally edited, there was a giant step yet to be taken in designing a cover that not only would be pretty, but would tell something about the story. In my debut novel, the leading lady is coming to terms with a lost love who shows back up in her life. In that process, she discovers that she may very well still be in love with the rogue, even though she doesn't want to be.

I wanted a cover that would relate to Winter looking back. I found this picture at istock:  

Winter has long red hair like the woman in the photo, she loves the Word of God, and it appears this lady is looking away, possibly into the past. She was my girl!

Because I'd spent a bundle on professional editing and valued the interior more than the exterior, I decided since I'm artistic (cough, cough) I could make the cover myself. I know, I know, but that's what I thought. I assured myself I could do it. After all, I love DIY projects!! So, I learned how to use the OpenOffice Draw program, which is free, by the way, and I came up with what I thought would be my final cover for Winter's Past:

When I held it in my hands for the first time, I was thrilled!

I still did some tweaking and ordered several proofs. But, eventually, I got it the way I wanted it to be--given my experience. In those first months, Winter's Past was available online, in a local bookstore, and sold from a clear bag I carried around with me, and I was very pleased. After all, I'd done the cover myself, and to me, it was a work of art. But as time passed, I began to doubt and judge and compare. I kept reading how people do judge a book by its cover, and how this is an area writers should not scrimp on--and I cringed. I wondered what I should do. Should I try to make another cover? Is relaunching a new cover a good idea after a year has passed? Will people be confused?

Also, with book two in the series on its way this year, I wanted something on the covers to be similar. So I began a quest to find a graphic artist. I went to several different websites hunting for that special "look". Then, I heard of a graphic artist through someone on Facebook, and I went to her site, not once or twice, but many times to look in awe at her cover designs. Suzanne Williams is very creative, and she makes fabulous book covers. Here's her website if you want to take a peek:  http://suzanne-williams-photography.blogspot.com/p/book-cover-graphics-and-design.html

As I compared her designs with my cover for Winter's Past, I felt mine had some major flaws. With the lady's face turned away and the background slightly blurry, it wasn't engaging. On the paperback, the colors were dark and murky. Something needed to change. I wanted a delightful cover like the ones on Suzanne's website. I wanted it to say, "Read me! This is a heart-touching story."

So, I contacted Suzanne and explained my heart for this book. She was so great to work with. She hunted for pictures that would match my characters, and so did I. She offered ideas, and she was very open to me making suggestions and asking her to tweak things. I was looking for an engaging couple, with the woman having a bit of an unsettled look, a bright color overall, and a banner that would remain the same throughout the series.I was happy to find this couple on Fotolia, her with her red hair, green eyes, and a sweet, slightly unsure expression, and him gently pursuing her:

A friend looked at the cover and asked, "Is that what you imagined Ty looking like?" Now, this is a friend who really liked my first cover. "No," I answered. "But, her? Definitely." And, I'd have to say, he's pretty close.

The lacy pink banner turned out great, it representing a bit of wedding lace. In each of the stories in the 2nd Chance Series, this lace will be present in different colors.

Suzanne and I both hunted for a secondary picture for the lower half. I wanted it to say something about marriage, since this series is about the hope of reconciliation. When I found the picture below, I loved the burgundy color and the Bible open to I Corinthians 13, a section of verses Ty thinks about during a tense scene with Winter's antagonistic personal assistant. The engagement ring fits so well with the story too.

Suzanne put it all together in such a delightful fashion, and I'm very pleased with the final product. Changing a cover mid-stream may be confusing to readers. Sorry about that. But in the end, when there are several books in the series, it will be nice to have the continuity of the covers--and the beautiful, eye-catching design. To all those who own the first cover version, just think of it as the first run. (If someone wants to update a Kindle version, go to "Manage your content & devices" on Amazon and upgrade for free.)

Thank you, Suzanne Williams, for sharing your artistic gifts and talents with authors. I'm thrilled with the new cover for Winter's Past. I'm so blessed to be walking this journey of writing books. My dreams are coming true! 

Winter's Past (2nd Chance Series #1) is available on Kindle for 99 cents! (limited time) HERE

Poodles at Play by Paula McGrew

Welcome, Paula McGrew, author of Poodles at Play!!
Readers, you've got to see this darling book!!

Paula, please tell us about your writing journey.

I fell in love with books from the minute I learned to put letters and sentences and paragraphs together, and I enjoyed reading Little House on the Prairie, Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, Trixie Belden, and Black Stallion books. I wanted to write stories just like them. I read those books over and over until they came apart or the covers fell off. Many of my paperbacks were held together with packing tape! Whenever I ran out of something to read, I would grab my parents’ set of encyclopedias and go through them, one by one. 

The first book I wrote was for an assignment in sixth grade. Our teacher asked us to put together a book about our favorite subject. At that time, my favorite subject was horses, so I wrote about several different breeds and included handmade sketches of them, stapled the pages together and added a cloth cover. I received an A, by the way! 

In high school, my favorite subject was English, and my friends and I wrote poetry about boys, school, friends, our hopes and dreams for the future, and our relationship with God. One year, I typed a few of my poems onto parchment paper and assembled them into books which I gave to my parents, aunts and uncles, and grandparents for Christmas.  

I didn’t take my own writing seriously, though, until I was in my 20’s and joined a local writer’s group and began publishing poetry, magazine articles, and children’s puzzles for Sunday school curriculum. Since then, I’ve continued journaling, writing book reviews, articles for my church newsletter, and stories for my two boys.

What is the inspiration behind Poodles at Play?

The idea for Poodles at Play came to me one day when I was at a dog show with my husband, and we saw how many different breeds and sizes of poodles there were. I thought to myself, “There are oodles and oodles of Poodles everywhere!” and that’s when I got the idea to make up a story about them to tell my sons. I started jotting down ideas, and the rhymes simply started flowing. I read Poodles at Play for the children in my youngest son’s second grade class, and when I saw how much they enjoyed it, I decided to take the indie author route and use CreateSpace as my publisher.

Does rhyming come easy to you? Do you have any funny stories about trying to find the perfect rhyming word?

Rhyming is easy for me, and I’m thinking up silly little rhymes all the time. That’s something I do to keep myself entertained. When my boys, Graham and Soren, were young, I’d make something rhyme to encourage them to do their chores, take a bath, brush their teeth, or make their beds. I’d say things like, “It’s time to brush your teeth, Keith!” or “It’s time to make your bed, Fred!” or “It’s time to set the table, Mabel!” I found that if they giggled about something, then they were more willing to do what I asked them to do. They liked the rhymes and thought they were fun.

Krystine Kercher's poodles are absolutely darling. Which scene is your favorite?

I like two scenes, in particular. The first one is when the poodles are being shampooed and brushed and combed and fluffed. I think including the soap bubbles in the illustration was brilliant! My second favorite scene is when the poodles are playing the sandbox and there’s sand flying all over the place. Krystine did an absolutely fantastic job on the illustrations, and I’m glad I met her. This book wouldn’t be what it is without her artistic talent. She gave me quite a few suggestions to make the book better than it was originally, and I’m pleased with the end result.

Can you tell us a little bit about life on your farm? Any poodles?

We live on ten acres in the country outside of Duluth, Minnesota. We plant a vegetable garden every year and have landscaped our property with flowers, fruit trees, berry bushes and herbs.  We want to live as sustainably as possible, so we raise our own laying hens and meat chickens, and my husband, Kevin, keeps one or two beehives during the summer. We have four Pygmy goats that are helping us keep the brush and weeds down, and we’ve cleared a few acres for horse pasture, but there’s more work to do before the horses arrive. Someday we’d also like to add a cow or two. 

No, we don’t have any poodles, but we do have a hunting dog named Pesto, and she is a delight! She is an orange roan Italian Spinone (rhymes with spumoni - !!), and Kevin takes her to North Dakota every year to hunt pheasants.

How does releasing your first book feel?

Scary is the first word that comes to mind!  Excited is a close second, though. I’m an introvert by nature and publishing my first book has taken me far outside my comfort zone into territory I hadn’t considered entering. Marketing and promoting myself and my work and creating a social media presence are new to me, and I have a lot to learn, so sometimes I also feel overwhelmed. I also spent a considerable amount of time – years, in fact – trying to find an illustrator, and holding Poodles at Play in my own hands somehow seems unbelievable as well as very rewarding. I look at the glossy, colorful front and back covers, open the pages, see the poodles and think, “I can hardly believe it. This book is really mine!” I won’t sleep with it under my pillow, but I have hugged it a few times!

To find Poodles at Play on Amazon, click HERE.

Explore Paula's beautiful website: http://www.paulalynnmcgrew.com/

Congratulations, Paula, on releasing your first book!!!