I Thought I Did Forgive Him

When they put out those cute cards at weddings or bridal showers, asking for advice, I always write the same thing. Be quick to forgive.

He’s human. I’m human. We say stupid things—accidentally, of course. He can be an insensitive clout. I can stick my foot in my mouth faster than you can breathe. We’re going to crush each other’s spirits sometimes. It’s sad, but true.

So, in relationships—especially marriage—we must keep reminding ourselves to be quick to forgive. Not just to say the words. Really mean them. If we're not quick to forgive, we can ask God to heal our un-forgiveness.

When I pause for a second to consider what God has forgiven me of, how can I hold something against someone else?

But, what if, one day, God shines a spotlight on your heart—He’s really good at doing that—and suddenly you realize there’s a hurt tearing a little bit inside you each time you think of that awful thing your husband—or someone in your past—did? What then?

Saying “I forgive, I forgive, I forgive” like a mantra isn’t going to help. Well, you can try it. But, from experience, I can say it doesn’t help.

I’ve heard forgiveness—like love—is a choice. But there are some things that seem bigger than us. Like hurt. Especially hurts we’ve held onto—even unknowingly. Sometimes we make an agreement with our hurt. I’m entitled to be angry. He doesn’t deserve my forgiveness. He needs to pay. When the truth is, we’re the ones paying, because we’re clinging to our pain, nursing it, even rejoicing in past wounds to keep them alive, so we never forget.

I’m not minimizing your pain. Awful things do happen to good people. And I hurt with you over any hurts or losses in your life.

When God showed me I hadn’t forgiven someone in my past, it surprised me, because I thought I had. But now that He'd brought it to light, I knew it was time for me to let His healing begin. Of course, I needed to face it, and ask God to forgive me for holding something against someone, when He'd forgiven me of so much. In a moment, our Lord can erase hurt and loss and pain faster than any remedy humans can invent. It was like heavenly oil pouring over my soul. Un-forgiveness was a sneaky, cancerous wound, and I needed the fire of the Holy Spirit to consume the sin and make me whole. And He did.

There’s such a relief when someone forgives me. And I’ve experienced the sweetest peace when God in His love brought forgiveness to my own aching heart. It was all His work. A miracle of healing as great as any restoration of physical health.

Forgiveness  can happen in a moment or it can be a journey. The first step is allowing God's love and healing to pour over us. In Him is true peace--and a forgiveness that goes way beyond our own understanding.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Eph. 4:32 

(I’ll continue my journey-to-publishing topic next time.)

Check out Mary's new book "Winter's Past".

Celebrate with me!

I want to celebrate a huge dream that has come to pass in my life this week. My book has been published! Hurray! Please, rejoice with me. :)

Quite a few years ago, I started Winter's Past. Then I'd set it aside. Then I'd pick it up. Uh-huh, you get the picture. About four-and-a-half years ago, I quit my full-time job and immediately started working on Winter's Past on a daily basis. I did the rounds of trying to get an agent interested in my project. I attended a writer's conference. Then I decided the really big thing I needed to do was to get my story professionally edited.

So I did that.

By the time I thought I had all my ducks lined up in a row, my emotions took control, and I got discouraged. Maybe I wasn't a writer, after all. So I put my novel writing away for over a year. I was still working at youth theater and coming up with some lively material. But I hated that I'd stopped writing my novel.

During the summer I took a part-time job at a local library. And there were parts of it that I really liked. But in the end, I decided it wasn't quite what I was looking for. It was then that I felt I should plunge back into the waters of serious writing and editing. It was like...now was the time. At this point, I still thought I'd go through the (what I thought was) proper channels to getting my book published--find an agent, wait a year, maybe get someone to cheer me on in the publishing world.

A couple of months ago, my son, who was also working on a writing project, started talking to me about the benefits and open doors available today with self-publishing. I know, that! Hahaha. The more he talked, and the more I read about the new wave of indie authors, the more excited I got about it.

But what about a small publishing house without the need for a go-between agent? you might ask. So did I. When I looked up a few that had been recommended to me, I found the waiting time for potential books to be published about two years out. What? I'd have to wait two more years to have my book in my hands? Yikes! I really didn't want to wait that long. Not after all the wasted time I'd already spent.

So I decided to take the plunge and give "indie" publishing a whirl. So...in my next few posts, I'm going to share some of my experiences with you.

Yep--you can see I did it!
And there was nothing--nothing--like holding that book in my hand.
Stay tuned for more.

Check out Mary's book "Winter's Past"

What if That One Thing Never Happened?

What if that one thing never happened?

The thing you regret.
The hurt that’s hard to forgive.
The memory holding you back.

I’ve heard people say they have no regrets.

It’s hard to imagine a person who’s reached the wise-old age of 50 (snicker here, because that’s me) and doesn’t look back wishing she could change something or other.

We know God forgives. (Yay!)

We also know we must forgive, although we struggle with that idea sometimes.

So…when God forgives sin, is it still in His view? The Word says “…I (God) am he who blots out your transgressions…and remembers your sins no more.” (Isaiah 43:25) 

Blots out? Wow. Sounds like they’re gone! Vaporized.

Yes!

The problem, as I see it, germinates in me. Can I forgive myself—or the other person—the wrong or mistake or choice? Is it still hanging around me in a never-to-be-forgotten picture frame? Do I look at it longingly each morning, just so I don’t forget? If so, I’m definitely not forgiving like Jesus.

If God forgives my wrong—and He does—I must forgive others. I can’t hold something against someone else. Even when I think I’m justified in clinging to it.

Which makes me think…if I’m not holding wrong against anyone—including myself—why don’t I just go ahead and forget it ever happened? Live as if it didn't happen.

Zap.

No grudges. No pity parties. Gone. Vaporized.

Which makes me free.

At peace.

Forgiven.

Battle Cry!

Do we need a battle cry?

Everywhere we go, voices are yelling out: This politician lies! Vote for my candidate. Drive this car and you’re cool. If you do this, you’ll be beautiful. Charge this, it’s priceless.

Pretty soon, all the voices become a giant blur. A roar in our heads.

So what is a battle cry? A “war cry”, according to Merriam Webster’s.

Am I alluding that there’s a battle going on? Yes! A big one. A battle for our souls, our devotion, our peace of mind. When was the last time you were silent long enough to hear that “still small voice”? The roar has been getting bigger and wider.

We can’t fully imagine the realm and ramifications of our spiritual battles. Do you have a battle cry against the forces of evil?

In 2 Chronicles 13, Abijah, with an army half as large as the opposing one, stands on a hillside and boldly pronounces, “God is with us; he is our leader.” He warns them not to fight against the Lord. Refusing to listen, the warring side surrounds Abijah’s group, front and back.

Remember, it’s 2:1. Now things get interesting.

Abijah’s army could have run at this point. I might have. Instead, three things happen. One, they cry out to the Lord. Two, the priests blow their trumpets. Basically they’re saying—we’re gonna win this whole deal. And three, the men yell out a battle cry!

That makes me want to shout! I already did when I read it this morning. If it makes you want to shout, do it! J

This analogy of victory is so cool. *Call on the Lord. *Play an instrument or sing to the Lord—I would call this worship. *And let out an absolute battle cry.

“Praise God! Holy is the Lord!” We do have a battle cry. Whatever it is, it will be your own. A personal cry of victory. Trusting in God even though the circumstance before your eyes might not “look” like victory. We will shout, knowing the Lord God is fighting our battle!

“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.” 2 Corinthians 10: 4

“Holy is the Lord!”

What is your battle cry?

A Fall in the Mud

Sometimes things don’t turn out the way I’d hoped.

A job doesn’t pan out. The car breaks down. I can’t attend that special event. No one notices me.

Life is filled with ups and downs. Disappointments play teeter-totter with success. Confidence and insecurity duke it out in a game of tug-of-war.

Should minor bumps in our lives define who we are? Do we allow today’s discouragement to affect how we live tomorrow?

In the movies, we’ve all seen the humorous scenario where someone is chasing a person or an animal, and down they go, right into a soupy brown wallow of mud. It’s good for a laugh. But the person falling down isn’t laughing. We see delight in it because it isn’t us!

The mud is there. The person falls in, often getting a face-bath of muck. And the thing is, they hop up and continue chasing the dog—or whatever. There’s something about shaking ourselves free of the grime and getting back to the business of living. We’re not going to stay in that situation, covered in mud. It happened. Get on with life. Take one step forward in front of the other until your footing is steady again.

These things do test us. Some would even say they add character.

I guess laughing long and hard after a setback might be the perfect solution. But for most of us, it’s going to take a day or two before we’re ready to laugh about falling in the mud.

As a believer, I know God has a good plan for my life. Some things that happen I don’t understand. But I don’t want to wallow in the situation, regardless. Even though I’m tempted to.

Oh, boy.

What I need to do is get up and get going. Again. And again.

Annie sings that old familiar phrase, “The sun will come out tomorrow.”

Bad things do happen. But so do good things. Sometimes, lots of good things. And we call these blessings.

Occasionally, there’s a mud hole. A flop. A loss. A disappointment.

So I say to myself, get out of the mud asap. Trust God. Walk forward. Good is surely on its way.

 

Laugh More

I say we need to laugh more. Not to just be happy, but to really belly laugh when we hear something funny. When did we become so self-conscious about letting out a good chortling laugh? Did spit fly out of our mouth and hit someone? Did a friend say we laugh too loud? Squeal like a pig?

I love to hear people laughing out loud.

Everyone knows someone who has a distinctive laugh. High-pitched. Santa-Claus-like. A drum roll. When you hear that person laughing, isn’t the immediate reaction a smile across your face—or a raucous laugh out loud moment of your own?

I worked in a school where one of my coworkers had a delightfully contagious, signature laugh. Every time I heard him chuckle, it brought a giant grin to my face. I love hearing people laugh with joy and abandonment. It’s freeing. It’s contagious. It’s blessedly childlike.

We’ve all heard the comparison that children laugh hundreds of times a day, while adults laugh 15 or so times a day. Why are we so serious?

While many of us live stressful lives, trying to provide for our families, building a career, pursuing goals, the de-stresser really is free. Its name is laughter!

I think we should all let out a good ole belly laugh today. Read something funny. Share stories with siblings or cousins from when we were young and carefree. Watch an old comedy, like Bill Cosby or Don Knotts. Or go to a funny play!

And when you laugh, don’t hold back. Let that loud, exuberantly boisterous guffaw bubble up from your belly. Laughter is so good for us.

And besides, it’s fun. J

Why Write?

Why do we write?

Many of us started writing when we were teenagers—or even younger. Do you remember how fun it was to imagine and dream up stories? How easy it was to pretend you were all of the characters? Most of us began writing more diligently as adults, but I know there are some who continued writing through all their years. I'm so impressed when I hear of someone who's journaled for years without stopping. How I wish I'd done that over the course of my half-century. Recently, I read an article in the newspaper about a husband and wife who'd been writing each other a letter every single day for over a decade. Isn't that amazing? What a beautiful real-life love story!

For those of us who call ourselves writers, why do we write now?

Do we still have the joy of writing as we did when we started out? When we felt delighted with our imaginations and our ability to write freely about anything that popped into our minds?

Or has thinking about writing, and writing about writing, become a drudgery of words?

Now, I believe you can write whether you feel like it or not, and most of us have done that. But what about the why of writing? Do you still feel “called” to write? Is there something inside you drawing you to your computer screen—or the faithful legal pad and pen—as if it has a mind of its own? As if the story is calling you? Or has writing become something you better do every day or your writing skills will certainly shrivel up like a prune?

For me, I want to write because I want to write.

I want to write because I experience joy in writing. It's a part of me I can share. Like a lady who has amazing hospitality and shares her tea and cookies with friends, I want to share the stories inside of me.

If I fall into the rut of writing just to write, I need to step back a moment in time to when I first started writing, or when I first thought of myself as a writer. I need to refresh my memory about the love affair I have with writing. To cherish it. To allow the joy to fill me back up.

Sure, we all have days when we don't want to write—or do much of anything else.

But this is writing we're talking about. We are so blessed to be able to work and play at the art of writing and sharing our gift. So let's have fun with it!

Why do I write?

Not because I can't not write. Not because I have to.
I write because I love to write!!

How about you? What compels you to write?