I must admit, I was totally an idealist when I got married
at seventeen. Youthful bliss? Or ignorance, perhaps?
Check out these synonyms for idealist: utopian, visionary,
wishful thinker, pipe-dreamer, fantasist, romantic, dreamer, daydreamer,
stargazer.
In other words, ME!! Do you see yourself in there too?
Back then, I thought I knew so much. I had everything figured
out. Hand in hand, Jason and I were going to take on the world. Nothing was
impossible. Don’t even dare cast a shadow of doubt on anything we imagined doing! I believed
in “happily ever after” in a glorious this-is-going-to-be-so-easy sort of way. We
were in love. And love conquers all!!!
Ahem. (I clear my throat. Squirm in my chair.)
Looking back over a few decades of life, marriage, and
motherhood, I find that my “visionary” thinking has drastically changed. Wilted a bit. “My
pipe-dreamer” tendency has been replaced with reality. And sometimes reality hurts.
No more rocking in a “utopian” bliss fantasizing over what my life could be like.
Daydreamer? Wishful thinker? Kaput. Zip?
Ever been there?
Last night, I attended a Bob Goff event. A couple of years ago, two of my adult
children traveled across the country to hear him speak. So this was my chance
to listen to him at a local fundraiser. I tell you, I've never seen anyone more
comfortable in his own skin. The guy is totally relaxed onstage. Dresses simply.
Tells stories in such a heartwarming, endearing, and simplistic way, I had
tears in my eyes and was laughing, almost non-stop. The humorous thing? He
laughs like crazy throughout his presentation. Completely real. And I loved how
he spoke to my heart through simple stories.
Today, hours later, I’m still pondering his handheld mirror object
lesson. When his kids were young, he’d hold up a mirror and have them gaze at themselves.
Then, while they were doing so, he’d tell them what he saw in them. Almost like prophesying good stuff
into his kids’ lives, even when they were little. Isn’t that cool? (How many
times have I gazed into the mirror and thought derogatory things about myself?) Through Bob’s life lesson, he was instilling a positive inner self-image about who
those youngsters were: “I see you. You are strong. Capable. Going to do great
things.” Talk about a visionary!
I think it’s time you and I picked up a mirror and told
ourselves some good things about ourselves.
No, I’m not talking about your gorgeous eyes Mama gave
you. Or that cute mole above your lip.
Let’s gaze into that mirror and tell
ourselves something amazing about who we still are on the inside. “You are brave.
Courageous. Kind. You offer friendship to the lonely. You help
missionaries. You see good in people! You want to spread hope.”
It's seeing the good stuff God has already put inside of you. It's seeing the real you.
So, I have to ask myself, and I hope you will too, why have I
given up on being a “dreamer?” Aging? I
surely am. Disappointments? Had a few. Lost hope? Traveled that road, been there, done that, and it didn’t work out? Sound familiar?
But what if all those dreams and ideals and creative thoughts haven’t really died like I thought? What if, somewhere deep inside, on the edge
of where faith and doubt collide, I could see myself as that kid who still
imagines big things? What if I could find the girl who likes to swing and
balance on fallen logs and loves the color blue, and there I find my dreams
have been sleeping, dormant, just waiting for me. And all it takes is a little zap of
what-ifs flowing through my veins again, or a nudge of inspiration from a friend, or from God
Himself, or maybe even, a slight kick in the seat of the pants??
What if you sat on the porch tonight and did a little “star-gazing” of your own? And while you were there, you remembered who you were when you were a little kid
and believed you could do anything. What if you and I became dreamers again?
People willing to try something. To take a chance again. To stomp on doubt and
say, “You know what, I do believe!”
I want to be that girl again.
How about you?
Mary Hanks writes stories about redemption, restoration, and romance.
